How to Manage Your Kid’s Baseball Tantrums and Meltdowns

Striking out or making errors sends some baseball players into a tailspin.

You can tell them baseball is a game of failure, remind them that Hall-of-Famers get out seven out of 10 times, and point to the TV whenever Mike Trout gets rung up. But if your youth player is anything like mine, it won’t do any good. He absolutely despises striking out.

In his first game this season, at a preseason 9U tournament played in frigid 40 degree weather, my son struck out in his first at bat. He then stormed into the dugout and tried to break his (metal!) bat over his leg.

Luckily he didn’t break his knee.

In life, as we all know, things don’t always go your way. If your son can learn this important lesson on a baseball field, he’ll be all the better for it in both sports and life.

For help practicing baseball with your kid, check out 3 Tips for How to Be a Good Baseball Parent in the Backyard.

Perfectionism Can Lead to Problems in Baseball

Your son may be a perfectionist if he has the following traits:

• All or nothing thinking with regards to goals. A perfectionist sets high goals for himself or herself, and isn’t satisfied with anything short of full achievement of the goal.
• Fear of failure. Perfectionists are terrified of not meeting their goals, which they regard as failure.
• Impossible standards. A perfectionist’s goals are generally unrealistic and unreasonable.
• Procrastination. Perfectionists are so worried about letting themselves down with regards to their goals, they ironically wind up putting off the work needed to meet those goals.
• Only results matter. If the perfectionist doesn’t meet his or her goal, the whole journey was a failure. So even going three for four in a game might feel like failure.
• Defensive. Perfectionists lash out defensively at criticism, because it reminds them that they’re less than perfect.
• Low self esteem. Since perfectionists are constantly judging themselves by their impossible standards, they’re generally unhappy and depressed.

Striking Out Was Triggering My Son’s Perfectionism

My son has some (but not most) of these qualities of perfectionism. Specifically, he’s horrible at taking any criticism. If we’re in a batting cage, for example, and I tell him he’s stepping out or to keep his head in, he’ll blow up at me.

Though, I’ve noticed, he often incorporates what I’ve tried to teach him despite his initial reaction to it.

With my older son, we debrief after a game and go over what he didn’t do well. I can’t do this with my younger one.

Getting Thrown Off His Travel Baseball Team

The crying and helmet-throwing came when we transitioned from coach-pitch to kid-pitch when he was eight. He was used to:

• Being the kid who hit the ball the farthest
• Having all his teammates urging him to hit a home run whenever he came to bat
• Batting clean up

He was not used to striking out half the time, making weak contact, and being moved down in the order.

It all came to a head at a travel game in the fall of his 8U season. We were up until the final inning. We then came to bat. My son got up with two outs and the tying and winning runs on base.

He struck out to end the game.

My and my wife’s approach to his tantrums had been to ignore them. We believed that we just added fuel to the fire if we tried to comfort him during a game.

This time, after striking out, he went back toward the dugout and heaved his helmet. It wound up hitting the younger sister of a teammate who was standing by the dugout.

She wasn’t seriously hurt, but she could have been. Our coach had had enough, and he kicked my kid off the team right there on the field.

I realized then that our “ignore the tantrums” strategy wasn’t working.

For more about this story, including how we convinced the coach to keep him on the team, check out Do This Now if Your Kid is Kicked Off a Baseball Team.

Multiple Strategies Can Help Your Youth Baseball Player Deal with Striking Out

There are many coping strategies you can try with your kid:

• Emotional-focused techniques. These look to have him control the emotions that flare up when he strikes out.
• Situation-focused techniques: These seek to have him limit the number of times he does strike out and/or change the situation in other ways (for example, by changing how you react to his strikeouts).

A combination of the strategies have worked for us.

Emotional-Focused Coping Skills Can Soften the Sting of Striking Out in Youth Baseball

Look to downshift your son’s perfectionist self. After a tough game, be proactive and say to him:

• Okay, you’re disappointed
• You didn’t do as well as you wanted
• What did go right though?

Acknowledge and validate your kid’s disappointment. Then transition to talking about the more positive aspects of his performance.

Things are rarely ever black and white, and you want to get him to start seeing all the things that happened during the game and not just where he came up short.

He may have struck out in a big spot, but he also might have made a key defensive play to keep his team in the game. Talk about both.

No Excuses, Just Plans

You don’t ever want your kid getting in the habit of making excuses. For example, don’t tolerate him blaming the umpire for his strikeouts. While the umpire may have been making bad calls, he needs to overcome that.

I’ve seen many parents commiserate after a game with their kids about how the umpire was the cause of their strikeouts. Those kids usually keep striking out.

Work with your kid to make a a plan for doing better next game. The plan could include:

• Making sure he keeps his head in during at bats (“eyes, nose, chin on the ball,” as one hitting instructor told us)
• Starting his load earlier
• Being more selective with what he swings at
• Working with a hitting coach

Explain the Three Levels of Mastery to Your Youth Baseball Player

The road to mastering an activity generally has three phases:

1. The beginning phase, where you’re inexperienced and not ready to achieve mastery
2. On level, where you get some right and some wrong -and-
3. The final phase, where you’ve obtained mastery

Try to have him understand that it’s all a process, and it’s normal and expected to have many bumps in the road on his way to mastery.

And even “masters” in baseball strikeout.

Drill Into Him His Actions Have Consequences

Remind him that his actions have consequences. Tell him it’s okay to be angry and upset, but that it’s not okay for him to have melt downs or tantrums.

In my case, I reminded my son of the time the coach kicked him off the time after he threw his helmet.

Situation-Focused Strategies Can Help Relieve the Pressure on Your Youth Baseball Player

On my older son’s travel team, we had a mom who would literally cry in the stands every time her son stuck out. And he struck out a lot. During one stretch, he K’d like 12 times in a row. The mom was a basket case every time. I can’t help but think there was a connection.

Work with your son to see if you’re doing things, like the mother crying in the stands, that are putting undue pressure on him. Then do your best to either eliminate them or at least lessen them. I sit way out in the outfield during games because I can’t help shaking my head and groaning when they mess up.

Sibling Issues Can Be a Problem

With us, my older son was standing close to the dugout, where my younger son could see him. When my younger son got up up, he would tell him he better get a hit this time.

I had no idea, because I was off in the outfield!

I was so preoccupied with how I was putting to much pressure on him that I was oblivious to the fact a lot of it was coming from my older boy.

Mechanical Hitting Issues

Also, if your son has mechanical issues with his swing, address them, either with a hitting coach or effective batting aids. For our picks for the best hitting aids, see The 4 Best Baseball Batting Aids (No. 3 is Free)

It’s also possible he’s not swinging the right bat. For our reviews of the 2021 USA bats, see 2021 USA Bats Reviews: Which One Should You Buy

How My Son is Now Managing Striking Out

The season is young, but my son has yet to have a tantrum.

He has cut down significantly on his strikeouts, as his mechanics are better, and he’s now used to kid pitch.

He told me that when he died strike out, he still feels intense anger. But instead of making a scene, he told me he goes to a corner of the dugout and distracts himself by putting on his catching equipment. He also remembers the time he got kicked off his team.

Have any tips for dealing with tantrums on the field in youth baseball? Let us know in the comments.

For more about the emotional side of baseball, see:

• Youth Baseball: Why Do I Care So Much?
• 4 Ways to Respond to a Coach Playing Favorites
• How to Stop Being a Crazy Baseball Dad
• How to Be a Good Baseball Dad in the Backyard
• Is It Now Fashionable to Hate On Baseball Dads?
• Are Local Little Leagues Bad for Baseball?

For information on hitting, see:

• How to Get Out of a Hitting Slump
• 4 Best Baseball Batting Aids (No. 3 is Free)
• 4 Hitting Drills You Need to Do Before Every Game
• 4 Old School Baseball Drills You Need to Be Using
• 6 Mistakes to Avoid When Buying a Baseball Bat

For information on pitching, see:

• Is the Cooperstown Baseball Tournament Safe for Players?
• What You Need to Know About Little League Elbow
• 4 Ways To Increase Your Kid’s Pitching Velocity
• Is the Circle Change Dangerous for Youth Pitchers?
• Why I Don’t Let My Son Pitch in Little League
• Pitching and Head Injuries: What You Need to Know
• How to Make Sure Your Kid Isn’t Overpitched in Baseball

For baseball speed drills, see:

• How to Make Your Kid Faster for Baseball