A psychiatrist sits down with Club Baseball Dad to help us find ways to practice baseball with our kids without it devolving into an emotional mess.
In contrast to Jimmy Dugan’s famous quote from A League of Their Own, there is actually a lot of crying in baseball, and most of it occurs in backyards. So many times when I attempt to correct something one of my sons is doing wrong, it ends up with them yelling at me or crying and storming off.
I had always assumed practicing baseball with my kids would be like that iconic last scene from The Natural where Robert Redford has an affirming catch with his son in a cornfield.
But sadly when I work on baseball with my sons it more often turns into a bloody scene from Gladiator.
We spoke to Dr. Jason J. Kim, a psychiatrist at New York Presbyterian Hospital, and asked him what we can do as parents of youth baseball players to be able practice with our kids without it ending in mutually assured destruction.
Check out the tips he gave us.
When Practicing Baseball with Your Son, Know Thy Kid
What causes one kid to break out in tears, barely registers to another kid. As Dr. Kim told us, “Some kids experience the criticism / negative feedback as judgement – you’re not doing it right, you’re no good, you suck. In fact, if one isn’t careful, repeated negative feedback is corrosive to self-esteem, and so it has to be done judiciously.
“But every kid is different. Some will take the negative feedback and thrive in response to, even relish the challenge. Every kid is on his own place on that continuum. The goal is to meet the kid where they are. Don’t treat every kid the same.”
We as Parents Should Sometimes Take the Abuse in the Backyard if It’s Going to Help our Kids in the Long Run
Whenever I pitch to my younger son, he either hits well or he claims I’m pitching poorly. When I try to correct something he’s clearly doing wrong, he blows up at me and tells me I don’t know what I’m talking about. I often compare him to North Korea, a volatile country with nuclear weapons that’s not to be messed with.
Yet I have noticed that when I do correct something he’s doing wrong, a day later he’s adopted my correction and is now doing it right notwithstanding his initial overblown defensive reaction.
So I asked Dr. Kim what do you do with a kid like that.
“Parenthood equals pain,” he said. “It is normal to feel abused. But you are the parent and it is your job to be the adult in this scenario. Adults recognize that kids want to scape-goat. Kids want to disavow what makes them feel bad. So let them do that. You would not let an adult do that. But a kid doesn’t have the emotional maturity or emotional apparatus to process emotions the way an adult would, so we cut them some slack.
“We take the hurt so that our kid doesn’t have to. Obviously, at some point if a kid continues to habitually scape-goat, abuse, etc. we eventually at some point ask the kid to grow up. But the whole thing is a process.
Show Them What They’re Doing Wrong When You Practice Baseball Instead of Telling Them
There’s an adage in creative writing: “Show, don’t tell.” Dr. Kim said the same principle often holds true for instructing kids.
“Remember that each kid is wired differently” he said. “Some will respond poorly to negative feedback and so positive feedback is better. You need not call out every single error, nor correct in every single instance.
“Kids need ample room and time to explore. They need to feel free to experiment with technique. In other words, don’t proclaim, “Don’t do that, that’s the wrong way to do it; rather, ask ‘when you did that, did you notice how the ball did this?’
“Finally, let kids know you too make the same mistakes. Demonstrate. Do exactly what they are doing wrong, but exaggerate the error to an obnoxious or ridiculous degree, and say, look, see when I do this, do you see what happens (and share a laugh at how lame you hit the ball.)”
DO YOU HAVE ANY TIPS FOR PRACTICING BASEBALL WITH YOUR KID? LET US KNOW IN THE COMMENTS.
For more information about the emotional side of baseball, see:
- Anger Management and Youth Baseball: How to Calm Down
- How to Manage Your Kid’s Baseball Tantrums and Meltdowns
- How to Stop Being a Crazy Baseball Dad
- How to Be a Good Baseball Dad in the Backyard
For information on hitting, see:
- How to Get Out of a Hitting Slump
- 4 Best Baseball Batting Aids (No. 3 is Free)
- 4 Hitting Drills You Need to Do Before Every Game
- 4 Old School Baseball Drills You Need to Be Using
For information on pitching, see:
5 thoughts on “How to Be a Good Baseball Dad in the Backyard”